


Night, the Beloved

by veleda_k



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 13:03:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2429822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veleda_k/pseuds/veleda_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maria didn't come home expecting Natasha to be waiting for her in the dark. She didn't expect she'd have to confront feelings she'd been denying for years. But if there's one thing Maria's learned, it's that life doesn't go as you expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night, the Beloved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taliahale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taliahale/gifts).



Climbing the steps to her apartment, what Maria wanted more than anything else in the world was a drink. Months after the fall of SHIELD, she was still fielding calls from curious news organizations hoping for some new scandal and members of congress, once so eager to look the other way, who had suddenly rediscovered their commitment to transparency. And that didn't even take into account her actual job. Maria was considering hanging a “Keep out, Stark” sign on her door. Tony didn't seem to understand that while he could treat his position as head of R&D as playtime, not everyone had that luxury. Maria had almost called Pepper to drag him away, but she would have felt too much like a kindergarten teacher calling the principal.

As soon as she stepped inside, Maria froze. The apartment was quiet and dark, just as it should be, but Maria had the subtle, undefinable feeling that only came when one wasn't alone in a room. She slowly, silently unholstered her gun. 

“Please, don't shoot me, Maria.”

Maria scowled. “Christ, Natasha.” Then the implications of the situation caught up with her. “What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is someone after you? Is someone after Nick?”

“No, nothing like that. I'm just here to see you.”

Maria flicked on a light and took that in. “And so rather than calling or knocking, you break in while I'm at work and wait for me in the dark. Are you that much of a twisted Russian spy, or are you just screwing with me?” Natasha didn't quite smile, but there was amusement in her eyes. “Oh god, you're screwing with me.”

“I don't do everything I do because I'm Russian,” Natasha informed her. “It's not a mental condition.”

“I know that intellectually, but knowing you it's hard to believe,” Maria retorted. “Can I get you a drink?”

Natasha pulled out a bottle of wine. “I came prepared.”

“So you did. Corkscrew's in--”

“The second drawer on the left,” Natasha finished, and revealed it.

“I want a damn full glass,” Maria told Natasha with a roll of her eyes. She sat down across from Natasha as Natasha poured.

“So, how are you?” Natasha asked.

“Congress is full of toddlers. Tony Stark is little better. Pepper is my only hope for intelligent conversations. I feel like I shouldn't miss SHIELD, but I do.” Maria's delivery was brusque and businesslike. 

Natasha nodded. “Pepper's solid.”

“Do you miss SHIELD?” Maria almost didn't ask, but she had an immature urge not to be the only one. 

“Not a very professional question,” Natasha noted with a wry twist to her words.

“I know,” Maria said, not addressing the subtext. She wasn't sure she knew how. “But we're not professionals anymore. Not like that.”

Natasha regarded Maria carefully. “Sometimes. I miss it sometimes, But never for the right reasons. SHIELD was easy. No matter what I did, I could always tell myself that I was still doing the right thing. I... outsourced my redemption.”

Maria was silent for a bit. She hadn't expected quite that much honesty. From Natasha, it was disconcerting, and Maria wondered exactly how much Natasha had changed since Maria had seen her last. “You never would have told me that before.”

“You never wanted to know.”

Maria took the hit. “Still, you're different.”

“I'm trying something. Being open. If I don't like it, I'll go back to mysterious and impenetrable.” Natasha's delivery was so deadpan, Maria had no idea if she was serious or joking. Maybe both. Natasha could be like that.

“Oh, so you'd have told anyone all this.” Maria tried to make a joke of her own, but it fell flat.

Natasha looked at her very seriously. “No, not just anyone.”

Maria sighed. She was too tired to deal with everything that was going unsaid. “What are you doing here, Natasha?”

“I need to be here. I think.”

“You think.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” If Natasha didn't want to give a straight answer, Maria could also go at an angle. She finished off her wine and held out her glass for a refill. “Happy Hogan's kind of letch, isn't he? He thinks he's being really covert when he stares at my ass.”

“Punch him in the head,” Natasha advised simply. “Pepper will understand.”

“You speak from experience.”

“Natalie Rushman does.”

Maria laughed. “If I were a better person, I wouldn't find that so funny.”

Natasha smiled. “If you were a better person, I wouldn't be here.”

Natasha was still doing it, skirting slightly too close to things they didn't talk about. “What have you been doing?” Maria asked her. 

“Traveling. Taking out a Hydra base here and there. I've run into Nick a few times.”

“How is Nick?”

Natasha shrugged. “Considering we helped dismantle his entire life's work? Surprisingly well. People like us, we bounce back.”

Maria couldn't help but feel that “people like us” didn't include her. It didn't exactly bother her. SHIELD had needed a variety of different personality types. Not everyone needed to be Nick and Natasha. It certainly hadn't impacted Nick's trust of her. Still, there had sometimes been the sense that however professional they had been, Nick and Natasha had had a language of their own, some indefinable connection that had left Maria uneasy. Maria wondered if Natasha felt a similar discomfort, knowing Nick had trusted Maria with the secret of his survival and not her. “You're bouncing back, then?”

“Sure,” Natasha said too easily. 

Maria looked at her. “I thought you were experimenting with openness.”

“I've changed my mind. Let's talk about sports.”

“You hate sports.”

“I don't hate them, I just don't find them interesting. If you're going to run around that much, you should kill something at the end. But you like sports.”

“I do, but I also have a house rule: if you break into my place and use my kitchen utensils, you have to be honest with me.”

On anyone else, the expression on Natasha's face would have looked like a pout. 

“Natasha,” Maria said, just gently enough not to offend the other woman, “you didn't ask to meet for coffee, you broke into my apartment. You may have some people convinced that you just don't know how to be a normal person, but I know better. What's getting to you?”

Natasha was silent a long time. “I will bounce back,” she finally said. “I meant what I said. It's what people like me do. Regimes fall every day,” she added, a touch distantly. “I don't know why I'm weeping over this one.”

“SHIELD was our home,” Maria said. “Yours more than most.” She placed her hand over Natasha's.

Natasha looked down. “Also not very professional,” she said, with the same twist to her words.

Maria swallowed. “Why did you come back _here_ , Natasha?”

“You know why.”

“Dammit, I'm sick of this spy bullshit,” Maria said wearily. “You have something to tell me, tell me.”

Natasha fell back into silence, but Maria could see her thinking, weighing her options. “I didn't go to fight Hydra. I didn't go to help Nick. I did some of that, but it was simply good timing. I went to, well, find myself, if that didn't sound so hopelessly stupid. And it brought me back here.”

Maria didn't give herself time to fully process that. Instead she leaned across the table and kissed Natasha.

Natasha breathed. “I thought you didn't want to do that.”

“Are you stupid?” Maria asked bluntly. “I've wanted to do that for years. I didn't turn you down because I didn't want you, Natasha. I turned you down for exactly the reasons I gave. It wasn't appropriate. It wasn't fair to you, whether you saw it or not. And, no, it wasn't professional."

Natasha's smile was small and knowing. “Not everything that happened at SHIELD was exactly professional.”

“You were partners with Barton, you'd know as well anybody. But that's the thing. SHIELD functioned as well as it did because we had all types. We could afford to have agents like Barton, the type who'd bring in infamous killing machine assassins likes puppies from the rain, because we also had people like me, who followed the rules and made sure things always ran the way they should.” Natasha made a face at being compared to a wet puppy, but Maria continued. “I was deputy director. Nick needed to depend on me, so I became absolutely dependable. But, god dammit, Natasha, that doesn’t mean I didn't _want_."

Natasha knocked over her chair and very nearly the table getting to Maria. They kissed like hungry, stupid teenagers. When they finally paused, Maria said, “Tell me if I'm moving too fast, but I really want to drag you to bed.”

“Too fast?” Natasha replied. “I've been waiting years, Hill. The only question is who's dragging who?”

In the end, they both did a fair bit of dragging. Once in the bedroom, Natasha stripped in a matter of seconds, which made Maria feel a bit like a clod fumbling with her socks.

“Let me,” Natasha said. She guided Maria to the bed and slowly, carefully removed every inch of her clothing. “Oh god,” she murmured as Maria lifted her hips to aid Natasha in sliding off her underwear. She then climbed on the bed beside Maria.

Despite the hunger of their initial make-out, their first touches were careful, almost hesitant. Maria's breath hitched when Natasha ran a thumb over her nipple. “Oh,” Natasha exclaimed softly. She started to massage Maria's breasts, focusing on her nipples. At first her caresses were gentle, then she moved to mild pinching. Maria squirmed under her. Natasha leaned down and began to lick at Maria's nipples. Then she moved her tongue downward, dipping it into Maria's bellybutton before resting at the top of her pubic hair. “Not yet,” Natasha said softly. She ran her hands up and down Maria's body, looking for sensitive spots. She dipped her hands underneath Maria to caress her lower back. “You're an evil tease,” Maria breathed.

“You'll thank me later,” Natasha assured her. She licked at Maria's shoulders before nibbling very gently. Once she had her fill of that, she once again licked her way down Maria's body. Except this time she didn't stop until she had dipped her tongue inside Maria. Maria shuddered. Natasha's tongue moved up and down at a rapid pace. She was relentless, and Maria loved it. Maria moaned and tightened her hips around Natasha. She tried to says Natasha's name, but all that came out was a strangled groan. When she came, she came with a loud moan and a bucking of her hips.

“Come here,” Maria whispered, and she kissed Natasha hungrily, tasting herself on Natasha's lips. It felt erotic and a little filthy. She kissed Natasha's neck while her fingers played with Natasha's nipples. “I wanted this,” she whispered. “I just wouldn't let myself have it.” She dipped her other hand between Natasha's legs. She kept up a sloppy, off-beat rhythm, trying to pay attention Natasha's neck, breasts, and clit equally. 

Natasha was quiet in bed, so quiet, that Maria actually looked up and asked her if everything was all right. “Don't stop,” Natasha bit out. So, Maria didn't until Natasha finally gasped and went limp against the bed. 

Maria curled up against Natasha. She wasn't sure if Natasha was a cuddler, but she was hoping. Luckily, Natasha moved closer to Maria. “Happy now?” Maria asked, with a hint of teasing.

“Finally, yes,” Natasha said. “I didn't always handle wanting you well,” she confessed.

“We worked well together. And we were friends. If you were sulking, you didn't show it.”

“Of course not.” Natasha sighed. “It's not like it was the first time anyone ever said no to me. I'm good at making people want me, but I'm not irresistible. But you, you were the first person I could remember wanting just for me, not for an assignment or training exercise. If there were others, I don't...” She turned her head away, and Maria heard what she wasn't saying. When she turned back to look at at Maria again, Maria could only guess at the effort it took. “And then you said no.”

“Natasha...” Maria swallowed her words, then tried again. “I meant what I always said, about professionalism. But that was never the whole story. I was your superior. Don't,” she said when Natasha opened her mouth. “You don't know where I'm going with this. You think I'm going to talk about the abuse of power, and, yes, that was a consideration. But, Natasha, I was one of the people who sent you on missions. Dangerous missions. I knew every time you left that you might not come back. And I couldn't be with you and still send you to your death.”

“I didn't die.”

“No, but you could have.”

“I still could. Anyone can die at any time. It's a bit more likely for people like us.”

“Yes, but I won't be the one” killing you “sending you off. But now there's no more SHIELD, and whatever you do, you do because you want to or need to.”

“Yes,” Natasha said absently. 

“You can do it,” Maria assured her. “You never needed SHIELD to be who you are.”

“And who is that?” Natasha tried to pose it casually, but Maria knew her too well.

“A woman of courage and humor, who is willing to do the right thing even when it costs her. A hero.” Maria didn't care if it sounded corny. It was true.

Natasha let out a bark of laughter at that. 

Maria shook her head. “You don't have to accept it now. But I hope one day you'll realize it.”

There was several minutes of silence, but it was thoughtful rather than awkward. “I'm not staying,” Natasha finally said.

“I didn't think you were.”

“But I'll come back.”

“I hoped you would.” Maria kissed Natasha. “You still have a lot of work to do, and I'm not talking about fighting Hydra. I'll be here when you're ready.” She smiled crookedly. “That is, if I'm not in jail for murdering Stark.”

Natasha kissed Maria back. “No jury would convict you, and besides, I'll give you an alibi.”

Maria laughed. “Thank god.” She loosely wrapped her arms around Natasha. “Will you at least spend the night?”

“Of course.”

“I also do a mean french toast, if you can stand me in the morning.”

Natasha smiled. “That sounds... nice.”

“Will you be able to sleep?”

“Eventually. It's never been easy.”

“If we're attacked in the middle of the night, I'll protect you.” 

Natasha quirked a smile. “I'm saved.”

“Shut up and try to sleep.”

“Yes, ma'm.”

“And don't call me ma'm.”

Maria's eyes were closed, but she could hear the smile in Natasha's voice. “No, ma'am.” 

Maria wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep either, but much of her anxiety dissipated when Natasha pulled close to her and whispered, “I'll still be here in the morning.”

Maria knew one was never supposed to believe a spy, but in that moment she trusted Natasha completely. And so it wasn't hard to fall asleep, knowing Natasha was watching over her.

At least until the morning.


End file.
